Loss & Bereavement

Before and after a death, there are a few words that are often used to describe what loved ones are going through during this time. They include grief, mourning, and bereavement. While all are important and necessary parts of the healing process, they have different meanings.

Grief or grieving is the time of mourning that takes place following a loss. Mourning is used to describe the outward expression of grief. How someone mourns depends on a variety of factors, such as their personality and their cultural beliefs and traditions.

This article will focus on bereavement, which is the period of grief and mourning that is experienced immediately after a death. The amount of time that someone stays in the bereavement period can vary, based on factors such as their personality and coping skills, their relationship with the deceased, and the experiences they’ve had surrounding this and other deaths.

While there is no set definition of who is considered the “bereaved,” it tends to include those individuals who are most powerfully impacted by the loss of the loved one, such as immediate family members. However, the bereaved may also include extended family, close friends, and longtime co-workers.

Another important element of the healing process is coping. Coping is how people respond to stress – and some people are better equipped than others to handle stressful situations. Stressors can come from any type of situation, even positive ones. However, the events that most often cause the most stress are negative ones. Death is one of the deepest sources of stress and requires special coping techniques.

Ways to Cope With Bereavement and Grief

While bereavement and grief may mean different things, they both require the ability to cope. What works for one person may not work for another, but what is most important is that you choose methods that not only offer temporary relief, but also provide opportunities to work through the problem for long-term healing.

While by no means exhaustive, here are a few techniques that have been known to help with coping:

• Scheduling time to exercise
• Taking a walk in nature
• Listening to your favorite music
• Playing with animals or taking your dog for a walk
• Crafting, painting, or other types of art
• Taking part in a charitable event or donating your belongings
• Praying or meditating

Asking for Help

There is no set time period for bereavement. Some people may be able to move on faster than others. However, it is often helpful during the bereavement period to seek help from others, whether its from friends, a support group, or a medical professional. When grieving or mourning, it is natural to want to hide from the world and push others away, but finding ways to interact with helpers will better set the stage for healing.

When Grief Won’t Go Away

Grief can be all consuming, so it is recommended to pay close attention to the severity and intensity of grief and seek help when needed. It is normal for grief to interrupt life, cause depression and sadness, and create feelings of anger. Yet deep and intense grief that persists for a long period and isn’t showing signs of improving should not be ignored. This may be a sign that professional help may be needed and the simple support from friends and family members just may not be enough.

There is no right or wrong way to experience bereavement. However, it is important to allow yourself the time to grieve, mourn, and cope in ways that will help you move out of the bereavement period and into your new normal.

The days and weeks following the loss of a loved one can often be a whirlwind of emotions, decisions, and responsibilities. With so much to do in order to prepare for their funeral, burial or cremation, you may not process your feelings right away, and it may take some time for it to truly hit you that your loved one is gone. That is why it is so important to rely on your support system of friends and family who can help you navigate this difficult period.

In this article, we will explore how to cope with the death of a loved one after their passing, as well as how you can help others get through this most difficult time.

Give Yourself Grace

Whether you are feeling completely numb, or you can not stop crying, remember that either emotion is OK and totally normal. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. There is also no set timetable for grief, and while some people may be able to resume normal activities right away, others may need more time to mourn before re-entering the “real world". However you react, know that it is OK; it is OK to cry, scream, sit quietly, or reach out to others. Just know that grieving is an important part of healing.

Seek Support

Right after a death, you may want to be by yourself, and well meaning friends and family may just make matters worse. However, when you are ready, you may want to reach out to friends, family, or a support group, because sharing your experiences with others can be incredibly cathartic. Those around you can offer a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on, or practical help with arrangements. While you may feel alone, you do not have to go through this alone.

Plan the Funeral or Memorial

In the days after a loved one's death, there are many logistical tasks to manage, such as planning a funeral or memorial service. This can be overwhelming, so consider enlisting the help of a funeral director or a close friend or family member. Many decisions must be made, including the type of service, location, and even the choice of music or readings. Honor the wishes of your deceased loved one, while also doing what feels right for you and your family.

Deal With Legal and Financial Matters

The last thing you may want to do is handle legal or financial aspects of a loved one’s passing, but it is often necessary. However, do not feel as though you have to handle it all by yourself. Look to outside experts such as an attorney, who can help with the necessary distribution of assets and estate matters. You may also need to notify banks, creditors, and insurance companies about the death.

Take Time for Self-Care

It is easy to get so wrapped up in the logistics and responsibilities following a loved one’s death that you neglect your own well being. But doing so will only make things harder down the line. So, even in the days after the passing, take some time for self-care. This can be as simple as remembering to eat, taking naps, or exercising. It may also include talking to a therapist who can help you navigate and process your emotions.

Forge a New Future

As you navigate the days following your loved one's death, it's essential to consider your own future. This future may look different than the one you previously imagined or expected, because your loved one is no longer a part of it. To help you determine what is next, it may be helpful to seek professional guidance, make financial adjustments, or reevaluate your goals or priorities. However, there is no need to make hasty decisions, especially since your thoughts may be clouded with emotions, making it harder to determine what is truly best for you.

Helping Others Who Experience Loss

If a friend or family member is the one who recently lost someone close to them, it can be difficult to know what to say, what to do, or how to help. Here are some things to expect, and how you can be there for them in the days and weeks to follow.

Expect the Unexpected.

Everyone handles death differently, and how you think you would react may be completely different than how your friend or loved one reacts. If you reach out to them in the days following and do not get a response, do not be offended. They may just not be ready to talk. Give them space to mourn, and when they are ready, they will come to you. What is most important is that you make contact, even if you do not know exactly what to do or say. Just knowing they have friends and family they can lean on will make all the difference in the world.

Help Out During the Holidays.

When the first birthday or holiday occurs after the death of a loved one, it can be incredibly difficult to process and overcome. That is where you can help. Offer to bring over food, take them out for a meal, or just sit with them and share memories of happier moments. It can be helpful to ask a close family member for those important dates, so you can mark them down in a calendar and make a note to reach out.

Make New Memories

It can sometimes be difficult to look back on memories shared with the deceased. As a friend, you can help make new memories that are not meant to replace the old ones, but that are meaningful in their own way. Perhaps you take a tradition that your friend had with the deceased, and change it or add to it so it takes on new meaning. You can also bring them to new restaurants or local events, allowing them space to make new, happier memories.

Just Be There to Listen

Sometimes the best thing you can do as a friend is just show up and be a shoulder to cry on. Your friend is experiencing a wave of different emotions, and they may just need someone who will listen to them and not judge them in any way. You do not have to have the right thing to say, you just need to be there. That alone can mean the world to someone who is grieving.

Coping with the death of a loved one during the days immediately following their passing is an incredibly challenging experience. Whether you are the one experiencing the loss, or you are supporting a grieving friend or family member, just remember that there is a light at the end of the dark tunnel.

The loss of a child is an unimaginable tragedy that no parent should ever have to face. Research shows that child loss causes a greater amount of stress than any other loss people experience. It is an unnatural order of things – parents should not outlive their child, and it is unfathomable to understand when they do.

It may seem as though it will be impossible to move on from such a heartbreaking loss and ever get back to “normal”. But beyond living for themselves, parents often have other children they need to live for, and because of that, they must find a way to navigate this difficult journey and find a way to move forward.

While there is no right or wrong way to grieve, there are strategies and coping mechanisms that can help parents begin to heal and hold their memories close while making new ones with their surviving family.

Understanding Your Emotions

Often the first step to take in your healing journey is to understand your emotions – and allow yourself to feel them. While everyone grieves differently, it can be common to be in a state of shock those first few days, and go on autopilot as you deal with the details of their death and the planning of their funeral. You are often surrounded by friends and family, who are taking care of you, bringing you food, and standing by your side.

Once things slow down, and people stop coming by as often, emotions may hit hard – and they can be excruciating. Doing simple, daily tasks can seem near impossible, and you may want to retreat into yourself and into your grief. Other feelings that may wash over you include guilt that you were not able to protect your child, anger or resentment that it happened or toward other people going on with their lives, and even denial, hoping that you will wake up any day from this nightmare.

It is crucial, no matter how you feel, that you allow yourself to properly grieve, and do not give yourself a deadline. Grief is not linear; instead, it ebbs and flows. You may think you finally see the light one day, and then the next day you can be back to square one. Allow yourself some grace – you have experienced a devastating loss, and while there may be setbacks, you will eventually find a way forward.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Even if you feel like you have effective enough coping skills to deal with your situation, it is still important that you do not go through this journey alone. Not only do you need your support system of friends and family, but you also may benefit from speaking with a licensed professional who can guide you through the grieving process and find healthy outlets for your emotions.

Prioritize Your Physical and Emotional Health

Moving your body and challenging your mind are important things to do in general, but are especially important when you are experiencing a child loss. It is so important that you take care of yourself both physically and mentally, so find healthy outlets for your pain. Whether that’s through exercising, meditating, or jotting down thoughts and feelings in a journal, seek tools that will keep your body and your mind healthy. Doing so will help you move closer to healing.

Celebrate Your Child’s Life

Some people may find it too difficult to talk about their child, while others will want to tell stories to anyone who will listen. Both are right and OK. It may also be healing to create a memorial or tribute in honor and celebration of your child, whether that is dedicating a plaque in their favorite park, planting a tree in your backyard or in a special location, or creating a scrapbook of photos and mementos. When ready, consider celebrating their birthday and other special moments of their life to help keep their memory alive.

Give Yourself Grace – and Space

If you remember one thing, remember that healing happens gradually. There is no timetable, and life will never go back to what it was before your loss. Do not be hard on yourself if you have setbacks, and allow yourself to celebrate happy moments when they do occur. You will eventually find your “new normal,” and you will hold on to the love you have for your deceased child while living your life to the fullest in honor of them.

The death of a grandparent can shake us in many ways. In adulthood, it can change the structure of the family and make us worry about our parents’ mortality for the first time. For some, particularly children, a grandparent’s death is the first significant loss in their family.

Self-awareness and supportive people can be of great help in coping with the loss of a grandparent. The age of the bereaved will play a role in their understanding and coping of the death, and the relationship between the grieving person and the grandparent will also affect the grieving process.

Supporting a Child Grieving the Death of their Grandparent

Children cope with traumatic events, death, and grief in unique ways, and they understand the finality of death differently depending on their age and developmental level. For example, children under the age of six are in an age of magical thinking, and it may take them longer to understand that the person will not return. Because of children’s understanding of death, it is important to use concrete language, avoid euphemisms, be honest, and be patient.

• Play: Children process their feelings through play. They may express their feelings through art through their favorite games or toys. Observe how they play, and give them as much time as they need. If they ask you to play with them after talking about their grandparent, then join them. `
• Language: The language we use when explaining death and dying to children is important. Concrete language is best, even if it is hard. Children will understand and learn about grief, death, and dying when we avoid euphemisms, such as “loss,” “lost,” “passed away,” “went to sleep,” and other similar words and phrases. Stick with “died,” “death,” and “dying,” and explain how they died clearly. If their grandparent was sick, explain how they were sick and, if possible, assure children they are not going to get the same illness. Keep in mind that children are very literal, and the concrete language helps them comprehend, while euphemisms can further confuse them.
• Patience and Honesty: Children may have a lot of questions and ask them at unexpected moments. Listen, be patient, and answer honestly. They only trust a select few adults with these heavy questions, and it is important to honor their trust in you by answering them about death, dying, and grief honestly.
• Memories: Allow kids to share memories of their grandparent in creative, loving ways. They may like to tell stories, bake from a family cookbook, or they may proclaim to now love a certain type of cheese or a TV show, because they once shared those with their grandparent. Share your own stories of their grandparent with children, too. They will learn more about their grandparent when hearing both new and old memories.

Coping with the Death of a Grandparent as an Adult

Losing a grandparent when you are an adult is complicated. Most likely, they have been a part of your entire life. Grandparents are often supportive of your dreams, a foundation and guide, hosts of family gatherings, and the patriarchs and matriarchs of your family who hold decades of family stories. Grieving their loss needs special coping skills.

• Future Worries: It is common to begin worrying about losing other family members when a grandparent dies. You may worry about other grandparents and start focusing on their health and wellbeing. If the grandparent who died was your last living grandparent, then you may begin worrying about your own parents and their health. As fears and worries creep in, reflect on them and process them.
• Supporting Your Parents: One of your parents lost one of their parents when your grandparent died. This can force them to reflect on their mortality, and they may feel like a child despite being adults themselves. This death may or may not make them an orphan, which can shake them. Be present for them, and share your favorite memories.
• Processing Memories: Give yourself time and space to process the many memories you shared with your grandparent, including holidays, special moments in your life, and the ways in which they inspired you.
• Remembrance: With other family members of your generation and other generations, find meaningful ways to honor your grandparent at their funeral and future family celebrations.

The death of a grandparent is difficult at any age and stage. Be honest with yourself and others about any feelings experienced, and give yourself the space to grieve. Surround yourself with family, share memories, and celebrate your grandparent’s life.

The death of a sibling can be chaotic and disorienting, and it is normal to feel out of control and confused. The loss changes the family dynamic and roles each sibling plays. It is important to grieve who siblings were to each other, acknowledge anything left unsaid, and find hope in memories.

Factors to Keep in Mind

Whether a person is grieving the death of a sibling or supporting someone whose sibling died, there are a few factors to keep in mind.

Age:

• Children have different understandings of death depending on their age. Young siblings are often close and take care of each other. If a young sibling died of a chronic illness, they were likely in and out of the hospital, which affects siblings. If the sibling died due to a trauma, then it is possible the sibling witnessed it.
• As young adults, siblings connect us to our core family while we begin to build independent lives.
• Whether or not adult siblings have their own kids, they undoubtedly have careers and relationships. At this stage, bonds and interactions with siblings can change to being more like supportive friends.
• When a sibling dies when both are older adults, the loss is complex. At this age, siblings are often the only remaining connection to their childhood family, and their death can cause the grief of parents to resurface. The sibling’s death can also cause distress as people begin to wonder and worry about their own mortality.

Roles:

• When a sibling dies, the birth order is the same but may feel different with them gone. For example: You were the middle sibling, and now, after the death of the youngest sibling, you are still the middle child but also feel you are now the youngest. It can be helpful to process how it felt to be in the middle, as well as how it feels now to be both middle and youngest.
• Siblings play different roles with each other – protector, guide, hero, best friend, confidant, playmate – and those roles are lost. It is appropriate to name those roles and grieve them.
• Close sibling relationships grieve companionship. Siblings who have grown apart due to geographical distance or conflict, may often have a lot of feelings of regret and guilt to process as they wish they had been able to heal or spend more time together.

Sibling Loss in Childhood

Before talking to a child about their sibling’s death, it can be helpful to research their age group’s understanding of death and enlist the help of pediatric chaplains and Child Life Specialists if their sibling is hospitalized. Pediatric chaplains and Child Life Specialists are wonderful resources to equip and empower parents and caregivers to share difficult news with children, and they can also help a child process the death of their sibling within their scope.

Helping Children Cope

• Be honest, and share news with children as soon as possible. The longer parents and caregivers wait to tell children their sibling will die or died, the more difficult it will be for children to trust adults with their grief and their deep questions. Avoid euphemisms and platitudes that can confuse them, as children are literal. Plan to use concrete words, and be prepared for them to ask a lot of questions, often more than once.
• Allow grieving children to have a voice in their sibling’s funeral, what toys or belongings of their sibling they keep in their room, and how to remember their sibling on birthdays and holidays.
• Children process their feelings through play. Do not be surprised if they ask deep questions after learning about their sibling, then run off to play. That is healthy, and it can be healing for them to have trusted adults in their life spend time playing with them.

Sibling Loss in Adulthood

• It is important and healthy to spend time processing the highs, lows, joys, regrets, anger, and sadness that fills sibling relationships. All feelings are valid and deserve space to be explored.
• Find meaningful ways both individually and as a family to remember and honor a sibling who died. This can be as simple as ensuring their favorite movie is featured at a holiday gathering, or memories are shared while passing the sibling’s favorite Thanksgiving dish.
• Talk to therapists, other siblings, parents, spouses, and friends. There are years of memories, fights, secrets, and adventures to process when a sibling dies. Talking keeps the stories real and alive, and talking is healing.

The loss of a sibling is heavy. It changes families and individuals, and it can be hard to make sense of all the emotions. Give each emotion their space, no matter how difficult it is. Even in difficult relationships, there is love between siblings, and that love is expressed in grief.

The death of a parent is devastating at any age, whether it is sudden or after a long-term illness. There is added emotional pain when people are estranged from a parent at the time of their death.

If you and one or both of your parents are estranged, there are likely years of pain and unresolved issues. Families who no longer speak nor see each other do not reach that point easily or quickly. Even if it can be healthier for everyone to have space, the death of an estranged parent can cause the feelings from past arguments and trauma to resurface, as well as deep feelings of regret, relief, anger, and guilt.

Unresolved Issues

If your estranged parent is dying, they may want to see you and attempt to resolve conflicts. Should that happen, listen as best you can while being honest and calm. It is not unusual for someone who is dying to want to heal with a loved one if they are able to have a conversation and if geographical distance allows it. If this conversation happens, it will likely be draining but may also give you both space to resolve the past enough for your parent to feel at peace at the time of their death.

If your dying parent chooses not to see you, then you will need to process how that makes you feel. There is also a chance you will want to see them whether or not they can physically engage in conversation with you. Be sure to reflect heavily on how it would feel to see them one more time, as well as how you might feel if they die before you see them. Processing unresolved issues is part of grieving the loss of an estranged parent.

Grieving Without Peace

Grieving the death of a loved one, particularly a parent, is difficult when you and your parent were close. It may be increasingly difficult when the relationship is strained to any degree. When people grieve, they seek peace in the mess of their pain, but finding peace in this situation can feel impossible. With acceptance, however, it is possible to find peace.

Reflecting on the conflicts that led to your estrangement will guide you in finding peace in your grief. There may be regrets over lost time or anger that was never healed. There may be relief that they are gone, because you may feel the pain is gone. Guilt often follows relief, as people can feel guilty simply for feeling relieved.

Guilt is also felt over things that were said or done in years’ past. Finding peace may require seeking a professional, such as a therapist, to process the deep feelings that resurface when your parent dies. It is important to be aware that some trauma may be too much to forgive. There can, however, be personal healing.

Acceptance comes when you are able to process what led up to the estrangement, how it affected your family, and how it feels to lose an estranged parent. Process each of the emotions, the trauma, and the arguments, and seek peace. It is part of your grieving process.

Your Family

It is still possible for you and your family to support each other after the death of a parent, even if some of you remained close to the parent while others did not. You have shared memories, and those memories may unite all of you and give you some of the peace you seek.

Allow other family members to help you remember the joyful times. Your family may grieve lost time together due to conflict. Listen to each other as you process those feelings. Give yourself grace as you process the extreme highs and lows of your relationship with your parent.

People grieve many different types of losses in life. Two of those losses are the ends of relationships and death, and both are experienced when an ex-spouse dies.

Loss of Relationships

There was love between you and your ex-spouse that led to a marriage that had its share of joyful memories. Those joys may be clouded with difficult times, but there was love. The relationship may have included children, travel adventures, and building homes and family traditions. When the marriage ended, there was grief over those years.

If you shared children, you remained connected no matter how much anger and hurt had passed between you. Perhaps that connection allowed you to heal and become wonderful co-parents and maybe even friends. Sometimes the anger and hurt sits for years, and that is grieved in its own way.

Whether or not time and space was given to grieve the end of the relationship during the separation and divorce, those feelings may resurface when an ex-spouse dies. The highs and lows of your time dating, the marriage, and the new relationship post-divorce may all be remembered, and it is OK to acknowledge those feelings and spend time exploring those memories alone or with your children.

End of Life

When an ex-spouse dies, give yourself grace to process the relationship you had, including its many aspects as it changed over time. It is normal to grieve deeply, even if their death brings some sense of peace due to trauma or sadness for yourself, your ex-spouse, and your children.

Your ex-spouse’s death may be very difficult for any children that you shared. Remind them that you and your ex-spouse did indeed share many wonderful times and loved each other. Let them know that, no matter how much ill will there may have been between the two of you, your children have a safe space with you to process their grief. They may be weary of discussing it with you but also need you. Be present for them, and listen.

Grieving Both

There are two main categories of grief that are experienced when an ex-spouse dies: re-grieving the loss of the marriage and grieving their death. It is strong and healthy to acknowledge and process all the emotions that come with both types of grief, and it is still possible to be a loving, supportive parent to any children you and your ex-spouse shared. Give yourself permission to grieve this complicated and difficult loss.

Friends often feel like the family we choose. We meet at school, work, in our faith communities, neighborhoods, and through shared interests. Some are casual friendships, some are close, and some friendships are so deep that you seem to know each other as much as you know your spouse. The death of a friend can hurt deeply, and navigating that grief can be confusing and difficult.

Permission to Grieve

The depth of the grief we feel when a friend dies may surprise us. We may expect to be sad, miss them, and wish they were here, but many friends are as close or closer to us than family. We grieve that loss fully.

Give yourself permission to grieve their death as you need. That may mean therapy or some visits with a trusted member of the clergy. You may feel lost without your frequent texts and wonder who to send memes to, and you may miss seeking their advice for the big and small decisions in your life. You lost a companion, someone who felt like a brother or sister, a confidant, and someone who stood by you during the biggest and toughest moments of your life. A part of you may feel as though it left with them. It is OK to miss them, and it is OK to feel sad, angry, confused, and lost in your grief.

Connecting with Their Family

It can be healing to connect with the family of your deceased friend. If you knew this friend since childhood, you likely felt as though their family was a second family to you. Adult friends may not know their friend’s family well, but it can feel as though you do, because you shared stories and processed family issues together.

Regardless of how well you know your friend’s family, it can be comforting to you and their family if you reach out. You will know how much to say by how well you know the family. Hearing from you connects the family to their lost loved one. You represent a part of their brother, sister, or child in a way that no one else does. A friend who felt like family will have a history and stories to share that can bring healing, comfort, and empathy.

Expressing Sympathy

There are countless ways to express sympathy to a family who lost a loved one. Consider the depth of your friendship and how well you know their family as you reflect on how to express sympathy. A sympathy card with a note about what a wonderful friend they were is a compassionate way to reach out to your friend’s family no matter how well you knew them.

Write about a special memory or incredible characteristic of your friend. If you know the family well, and are able to visit them, doing so will mean so much. It is important to acknowledge, both to yourself and to your friend’s family, how much your friend impacted your life. Reflect on your adventures together and the secrets you kept. Your grief is real, and it is heavy. Your grief shows the love you had for your friend and your friendship.

Navigating grief and loss in the workplace can seem tricky, but it can be handled with grace and compassion in a professional way that fits each workplace environment.

Workplace loss can mean different things. You may have lost someone outside of work and need guidance on how to communicate bereavement needs, or a colleague may be grieving a loss of a loved one. Lastly, someone in your office, such as a colleague or supervisor, may have died, and your office mates are grieving together.

In each case, it can be hard to focus, and there can be uncertainty about returning to work, offering condolences, and how the office will continue to flow. With closer-knit workplaces, supporting each other and asking for support can be easier, because the workplace may feel more like a family. Approachable leaders are always an asset to any work environment, and their leadership is even more appreciated during times of grief. It may be harder to navigate loss at larger companies, but there is often a small group of colleagues that can be of support.

Communicating the Loss

Most companies, regardless of size, have bereavement leave policies. Those policies may not always be as inclusive as they should be, but they are still helpful. Bereavement policies can also be the first step in communicating your own loss. You can reach out to the appropriate colleague, whether that is your direct supervisor, someone from Human Resources, or an assistant. Let them know why you will be out and if you plan to take extra time off on top of what is given for bereavement.

Be honest and patient with yourself. Grief is one of the times that you have full permission to be selfish, because taking care of yourself and giving yourself space to grieve is not really selfish. You may feel that you are inconveniencing your colleagues if you are out of the office for a while, but we need time to breathe and make sense of our new normal without our loved one. Rid yourself of any feelings of guilt for not being at work, and remind yourself you need the time off to focus on your grief and your family.

There may also be one or two trusted colleagues to whom you can reach out by phone or text to share the loss in your family. Unless the death in your family was sudden, there were likely colleagues aware of what you were going through outside of work. You can ask them to share the news with the rest of the team to relieve you of having to do so. If a colleague is grieving, you may be the person they seek support from at the time of their loss.

If someone from work reaches out to you and shares a loss in their family, offer to relieve them of the stress of communicating it to the rest of the team. They may want to tell their supervisor, which is appropriate, but you can offer to be the point person for the rest of the office. Ask them how much information they would like to share and with whom. Depending on the type of work environment, they might want no more than a professional statement about them being out of work “due to a death in the family.” If everyone in the office is close, your colleague may be OK with sharing the relationship and name of the person who died, and may even want to share ways in which the office can provide support.

A Safe Space to Work and Grieve

Colleagues are often unsure of how best to support people who are grieving immediately after their loss and when they return. They want to be compassionate while remaining professional unless they are friends as well as colleagues. Here are some ways to be supportive:

• Sending flowers: Sending flowers to the funeral home or the bereaved person’s house from the office is an empathetic gesture. It can also be thoughtful to pass a sympathy card around the office for everyone to sign.
• Attending the funeral: If you would like to attend the funeral, it is a lovely way to show you care about your colleague. People are comforted by funeral attendees, whether they are there to pay respects to the deceased or express sympathies to the bereaved.
• Returning to work: Offer patience and a safe space for your grieving co-worker when they return to work. If they appear to be struggling with completing tasks, offer to collaborate on a project or take on something for them.

Office Loss

Navigating grief at work for yourself or a colleague is one type of loss in the workplace. Another type is the death of a colleague or supervisor.

The death of someone at work can be full of mixed emotions. You may grieve the loss of a friend while also wondering how to honor and respect their missing presence. Discuss with your colleagues how to respectfully pack their office and deliver the contents to their loved ones. Support each other, and express sympathies to their family with flowers and by attending their funeral together.

When it comes to supporting a colleague, communicating your own loss, and grieving the death of a co-worker, it is helpful to reflect on the work environment. Consider how professionally everyone communicates with each other and how much of their personal lives they share at work. Consider how close knit the office is as a whole or within a team. Give yourself and each other time, grace, and respect to grieve as needed.

Disasters of any kind are shocking and devastating, from tornadoes and earthquakes to fires and car accidents. Whatever the disaster, the effects can shake a community, particularly when lives are lost.

When a disaster occurs, it is common to feel distraught and lost, and unsure of how to move forward. People of faith and those who are questioning faith will wonder why God let the disaster happen. That is a natural question, and it can be comforting to ask clergy about God’s role and presence in disasters. If you are a chaplain or clergy, then be prepared to answer this question or guide people in discovering an answer.

Grief and Uncertainty

Depending on the type of disaster, a neighborhood, community, or entire region may be facing a time of rebuilding with many people displaced. While trying to grieve a life, there are also arguments and obstacles with insurance companies and contractors as people try to put their homes back together. There is grief in every step of this process, and sometimes all of the rebuilding and trying to make sense of what has happened can be a distraction from the grief over a loved one.

If it seems that the tasks of cleaning and rebuilding are distracting you from grieving, then pause and give yourself some moments to sit with your grief. Distractions can help sometimes but hurt later. Self-awareness will be a guide in knowing when the distraction is a coping skill and when it is avoidance.

Experiencing Trauma

Trauma manifests in different ways. Many people who live through disasters experience nightmares, PTSD, and physical symptoms. For example, children who had to evacuate their home during a flood may become inconsolable and deeply afraid during storms for a while after the disaster. Pay attention to how you and your family feel physically and emotionally while grieving and rebuilding. Seeking support from therapists, clergy, and support groups can bring clarity in healing.

People whose homes and lives were unaffected in a disaster often experience survivor’s guilt when witnessing the suffering of others. It is a normal feeling that can be processed and reframed to help others. Notice if these feelings are experienced.

Coping and Supporting Others

In making sense of a disaster, we aim to find meaning. Volunteering with a nonprofit or faith community to help clean and rebuild destroyed homes and businesses can be a wonderful way to cope and heal while also supporting others. We can also use our skills as a gift, from offering first responder support to providing guidance on insurance claims. Communities show their strength when they care for each other through their pain. Collective grief can lead to collective healing.

The loss of a spouse is devastating. There are layers of grief and years of love lost. Your spouse may have died after a long illness, old age, or an accident, and their death will always feel like a shock whether there was time to prepare or not. It may feel as though half of you is gone, and in some ways, it is true.

Layers of Grief

We grieve different types of losses in our lives, many of which are grieved by a widow or widower. A few of them will be explored here.

• Loss of life: You will grieve their death, which means you grieve that they are gone. This is sad, confusing, scary, and disorienting.
• Loss of a relationship/partner: Whether you were married for a short time or decades, you were a team, and now you make decisions and do things as normal as eating a meal on your own.
• Loss of a friend and confidant: Spouses are best friends. They share their deepest secrets and wrestle about big decisions together. They seek each other’s advice and value each other’s opinions on outfits, career moves, and parenting. When your spouse dies, you grieve the loss of your best friend and confidant.
• Loss of identity: Part of your identity is being a spouse, and when your partner dies, you grieve the roles you both had. You now may need to take on different responsibilities at home that your spouse had previously handled.
• Loss of a co-parent: If your children are young, this loss can feel extremely difficult as you navigate being a single parent. Adult children still need their parents, and you may grieve the loss of being grandparents together. You played different roles for your children, made decisions together, and ensured your children felt loved, heard, and empowered. You grieve having a co-parent to raise your children.

Reflect on each of these types of losses and allow yourself to grieve each lost experience.

Factors that Affect Emotions and Grief

The length of your marriage and years dating prior to marriage will affect your grief and the emotions you experience. Another part of your relationship that will affect your grief is how often and to what intensity you argued. Arguments are normal in any partnership, but some marriages may experience more than others. If arguments were commonplace in your home, then you may experience deep feelings of regret, guilt, or anger. Process those feelings.

If you had children, then losing your co-parent is a factor in how you feel. Not only did you lose your partner, but your children also lost their parent. You need to navigate your own grief while helping your children navigate theirs.

Your spouse’s death will also have an impact on your grief and the emotions experienced. There is more shock and disbelief with a sudden death, and there can be relief and loss of identity after being a caregiver with a death due to a long-term illness. Pay attention to how you feel.

Age is also a big factor. A young spouse dying can make you feel angry and sad about what they will miss, as well as what you will have to do on your own. The future is not as you hoped. With the death of an older spouse, you may find yourself feeling lonely with an empty nest while being grateful for the years of memories built.

Coping With a Complicated Loss

Coping with the heavy, deep, and lonely loss of a spouse requires self-awareness, grace, and patience. Grief is not on a timeline and has no end. It changes with time, but it is always present. We grieve what we loved but lost.

To honor the lost love in your grief, it is healthy and important to talk. Support groups can be a validating way of processing grief that can also allow you to feel less lonely. These groups can be for any type of grief, for people who lost a spouse, and faith-based or not. The first session may not feel right, but give it a few tries before making a decision. It is appropriate to choose a therapist in the same way. Speaking to a therapist shows strength, and it is more than OK if the first one you meet is not the right fit. Find one that makes you feel safe to be vulnerable and share all of your deep feelings.

You may find comfort in surrounding yourself with people who knew your spouse. They can tell stories with you, listen, and support you with household tasks, errands, dinners, walks, and quiet evenings on your couch. Faith communities can also be a source of hope and healing. What is important and healthy is that you feel safe to talk about your spouse, your pain, your hope, and your grief.

New Identity

You are now both a wife and a widow, a husband and a widower. You and your spouse wanted to be partners, but you never hoped the inevitable would come that would cause you to be a widow or widower. Give yourself the grace to grieve while you navigate life without your spouse. Remind yourself of the love, and let it bring you peace.

“The most beautiful people I've known are those who have known trials, have known struggles, have known loss, and have found their way out of the depths.” – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, psychiatrist and the author of “On Death and Dying”

Loss is an inevitable part of the human experience. Whether it is the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a job loss, a change in health, or any other significant life event, loss can be incredibly challenging to navigate. By better understanding the types of loss, the grieving process, and the various coping strategies, you will be better equipped to manage the complex emotions that accompany it.

The Different Types of Loss

We experience loss all throughout life, from the most basic – losing a favorite shirt, to the most tragic – the death of a loved one. To that end, loss comes in various forms, and it is essential to recognize that grief is not exclusive to the death of a person.

The most common types of loss include:

• Death: The loss of a loved one is perhaps the most profound and emotionally challenging experience. Coping with bereavement can be a long and difficult journey.
• Relationships: The end of a significant relationship, whether through divorce, separation, or the loss of a friendship, can be emotionally taxing.
• Job and Financial: Losing a job or experiencing a financial setback can trigger feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and self-doubt.
• Health: A change in health, whether through illness, injury, or a chronic condition, can cause grief for the loss of one's former physical capabilities or quality of life.
• Identity: Major life transitions, such as retirement, can lead to a sense of loss as people adjust to their new roles, routines, and lifestyle.

Grieving, Mourning, and Bereavement: What is the Difference?

The terms grief, mourning, and bereavement are often used interchangeably. However, there are nuances to the meaning of each word, and all are a natural part of the coping process. Grief is one’s emotional response to the experience of loss. Mourning is the outward expression of the emotions fueled by grief and can differ based on factors including one’s personality, cultural traditions, or religious and spiritual rituals.

Bereavement, on the other hand, tends to refer to the time period following the loss. Those in the immediate family of the deceased are often referred to as the bereaved. Though there is no set timeline for bereavement, it usually encompasses everything from receiving the news of the loss, to the funeral services, to the adjustment period between mourning and moving on toward living a “new normal.”

The Grieving Process

Looking more closely at grief, this is your body’s natural response to the loss of someone or something. What is important to remember is that grief does not follow a linear path and it is unique to each individual. However, there are several stages that people may experience during the grief process, as first identified by Kübler-Ross:

• Denial: Initially, you might find it hard to believe that the loss has occurred, leading to feelings of shock and numbness.
• Anger: Grief often brings anger and frustration, which can be directed at oneself, at others, or even at the deceased or the situation responsible for the loss.
• Bargaining: At a certain point in your grief journey, you may attempt to regain what was lost by making promises or seeking ways to change the situation.
• Depression: A deep sense of sadness and despair can often accompany grief, making it difficult to function in daily life and causing you to retreat from others who are trying to help.
• Acceptance: Eventually, many people are able to come to terms with their loss. This does not mean that the loved one is forgotten; it just means you are able to move forward while still cherishing their memory.

Coping Strategies

Coping with loss is a deeply personal journey. However, there are some strategies that can help make the process more manageable. Here are just a few of those tactics:

• Seeking Support: Don't be afraid to lean on friends, family, or support groups. Talking to others who have experienced similar losses can provide comfort and understanding during this most difficult time.
• Engaging in Self-Care: It is OK to think of yourself – doing so is not selfish, it is necessary. Exercise, eat healthily, and get enough rest to better navigate the emotional rollercoaster.
• Finding Professional Help: Oftentimes grief can become so overwhelming or prolonged that you can not seem to find your way out of it. If that happens, you should consider seeking the assistance of a therapist or counselor who specializes in grief and loss.
• Creating Rituals and Memorialization's: Memorializing your loved one or the lost aspect of your life can help in the healing process. Find a special ritual or way to commemorate them based on the things they loved doing or experiencing.
• Giving Yourself Time and Patience: Understand that grief takes time. Be patient with yourself (and others) and allow yourself to grieve at your own pace.

The Importance of Resilience

One of the most valuable lessons you can take away from understanding loss is the importance of developing resilience. While it can be a challenging and painful process, coping with loss can also lead to personal growth and a deeper appreciation for the preciousness of life. As you journey through your own grief, you may find new strengths, values, and priorities that help you lead a more positive, fulfilling life.

Loss is a Part of Life

It is essential to understand the various forms of loss and the complex emotions that come with each type. By acknowledging your loss, allowing yourself to experience the stages of grief, adopting the right coping mechanisms, and finding strength in the small things, you can navigate the path toward healing and eventual acceptance.

Dogs, cats and other household animals are more than just pets, they are family. People form incredibly special bonds with their pets, so the loss of one can be one of the hardest experiences to endure. Pets show unconditional love and are not able to express when they are in pain, so it can be that much more difficult to watch a pet suffer. However, that may not make it any easier when they do die, and you may likely experience the same level of sadness and grief that you have felt when experiencing other losses.

The challenge can be that not everyone will understand why you are feeling such strong emotions, especially if they have never had a pet or experienced the loss of a pet. So, they may not be able to provide the level of support you would expect or appreciate. This can be hard.

Feelings After Pet Loss

It is normal and perfectly natural to feel intense grief after losing a beloved pet. You may also experience feelings of loneliness, insecurity, or fear, as your pet was likely your constant companion. These feelings are normal and do not mean you are weak or unstable.

What is not normal is ignoring your feelings of sadness and pain. Doing so could cause the pain to deepen after time. Here are some coping strategies to try after the loss of your pet to help you heal:

Reach Out to Others

While not everyone may understand your grief, seek out friends and family who have had and lost a pet, and those people may be the best ones to lend support after your loss. There are also pet loss support groups that you can join; ask your vet for any information, or conduct a quick online search for local organizations that offer this type of service.

Commemorate Your Pet

It can be incredibly cathartic to honor your pet and the love you felt for it by creating a memorial, planting a tree in their memory, framing a paw print or creating a scrapbook of special memories. Gather with friends and family, look through pictures together, and share special moments and funny stories. Doing so will help you eventually move forward.

Take Time for Yourself

Even if from an outside perspective, the loss of a pet is not as difficult as other types of losses, you need to listen to your gut, and your heart, and take the time you need to grieve and mourn your loss. If you are able, take a personal day off of work, or schedule time to walk in nature or down a favorite path of your pet’s. Giving yourself space to cry, get out your pain and anger, and face your new normal, can be incredibly healing.

Helping a Child Cope

If you have children, you may want to try and protect them from getting hurt or upset by making up a reason why the pet is no longer there. However, it is healthy to tell your child the truth, in an age-appropriate way, to allow them to cope and move on.

Oftentimes the loss of your family pet is the first death your child has ever experienced. If you are unsure of what to say, your child’s pediatrician or your pet’s vet will have resources available for talking with children about the death of a pet. There are also books available that deal with the subject and provide helpful tips. What is most important is that you speak candidly, listen to their feelings, and let them know they are not alone in their grief.

The Love for Pets Never Dies

Pets hold a special place in our hearts, because they love unconditionally. Their lives may be short, but the memories you have and can hold on to will last forever.

The loss of a parent is incredibly profound, no matter what age you are or how close you were to them when they died. For some, their parents have been a constant in their life, and when they are gone, it can feel like a huge hole is left in their place. For others, who may have not been as close, their death can bring on feelings of guilt. Either way, they have impacted your life in countless ways.

As with any type of loss, there is no one-size-fits-all approach to grieving the death of a parent. To that end, grieving is not linear and can come in waves – one moment you feel OK, and the next, you are overcome with sadness. Giving yourself time, and grace, will allow you to mourn your loss in a healthy way. You can also try some coping strategies that can help you get farther down the path toward healing.

Coping with the Loss as an Adult

Give in to Your Emotions

When a parent dies, you may go on autopilot as you try and get through the responsibilities that often saddle adult children during this time. And it is OK if you need to steel yourself during those first few days, but you also need to give yourself space to feel. Those feelings may include sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, and potentially even moments of relief. There is no right or wrong way to feel – so just be patient with yourself and embrace the emotion of the moment.

Celebrate Their Life

One of the best ways to honor the memory of your parent – and help you move toward healing – is to memorialize them in a special way. This can include holding a small ceremony with friends and family, planting a tree in their memory, dedicating a plaque near their favorite tree, or just sitting around and reminiscing about the happy moments you shared. Celebrate their life by focusing on the positive impact they had on you and on others.

Jot Down Your Feelings

Relationships between a child and their parent can sometimes be complicated, and therefore, when the parent dies, the child’s emotions may be complicated as well. Sometimes it may be difficult to share your feelings with others, so it can be cathartic to take a notebook or journal and write down your thoughts. Doing so can help you release any pent up emotions and help you find closure.

Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, no matter how much we try, we just can not find a way out of our grief. If your emotions become so overwhelming that you are unable to get yourself out of bed, out of your house, or to resume normal activities, then it may be time to seek professional help. Therapists and grief counselors are trained to provide support and guidance during times of loss, and often they may specialize in certain areas, such as parent loss. They can help you navigate your emotions and develop coping strategies tailored to your needs.

Helping a Child Cope with Parent Loss

When a child loses a parent, they may not yet have the coping skills to understand and move on from their grief. Oftentimes it is the responsibility of the surviving parent or the grandparents to serve as the main source of comfort and support, and the child will look to them for help with their complicated feelings.

The age of the child should serve as a general guide for how the death should be discussed. For instance, a preschooler will understand and deal with the loss differently than a teenager. However, there are some universal ways that you, as their caregiver or support system, can help them through their grief.

Be There to Listen

Sometimes it is helpful to start by just listening to what the child is saying and the questions they are asking. They may be confused about what happened, unsure about how to react, or unable to grasp the true meaning of death. They may want to discuss all the details surrounding the death, or they may not even ask about it, and instead bring up other topics. No matter what they say, it is important to listen. Do your best to answer each question one at a time, and be comfortable saying, “I don’t know either.”

Temper Feelings of Guilt

When a parent dies, it can be common for the child to think they somehow were responsible, or that if only they had been a better kid, their parent would still be there. Make sure to emphasize that death is not a punishment, and at the same time, they are not responsible for causing the death. Share with them that death is a part of the natural lifecycle, and give examples of other plants, animals or living beings, which may help them better understand this concept.

Allow For Individual Expression

Children grieve in different ways, just like adults. Yet with children, they may have a harder time understanding and processing their emotions. That can lead them to have outbursts of anger or acts of rebellion. Or they may not show any outward grief and just act and play like “normal.” However they express themselves, be patient and sensitive to their needs and be prepared to comfort and reassure them when they need support.

Help Them Keep Memories Alive

One way to help children navigate their grief is by finding ways to help them keep their parent’s memory alive. Creating a photo album of pictures, talking about funny stories, writing down special memories, or creating artwork incorporating their parent’s favorite things can all be positive and comforting. Whether you are a child or an adult when a parent dies, you will likely experience intense feelings of loss. And while the grief may never fully reside, you can work through your emotions, lean on the support of others, and create new memories that will help you eventually move on with your life – because that is what your deceased parent would have wanted.