Resources & Guides

When a loved one dies, or when we want to comfort someone who is grieving, we often look to our faith to help guide and heal us. For those who follow the Bible, reading or sharing psalms can provide much needed strength and support. Here are some of the most noteworthy psalms that are relevant during a time of mourning.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.

—Psalm 46:1-3

Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly.

—Psalm 5:2-3

Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter, you will restore my life again; from the depths of the earth you will again bring me up. You will increase my honor and comfort me once more.

—Psalm 71:20-21

Cast your cares on the Lord and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken…But as for me, I trust in you.

—Psalm 55:22, 23

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

—Psalm 147:3

The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?

—Psalm 27:1

Be strong, and let your heart take courage, all you who wait for the Lord!

—Psalm 31:24

Truly my soul finds rest in God; my salvation comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.

—Psalm 62:1-2

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

—Psalm 34:18

For he has not despised my cries of deep despair. He’s my first responder to my sufferings, and he didn’t look the other way when I was in pain. He was there all the time, listening to the song of the afflicted.

—Psalm 22:24

But in the day that I’m afraid, I lay all my fears before you and trust in you with all my heart. What harm could a man bring to me? With God on my side I will not be afraid of what comes. The roaring praises of God fill my heart, and I will always triumph as I trust his promises.

—Psalm 56:3-4

People find knowledge and comfort in all types of books, and this can be especially true after experiencing a loss. Here are some helpful books relating to end of life, death, grieving, and healing. While not an exhaustive list, it does cover categories including general loss, loss of a child, grieving children, and grieving a death by suicide.

General Loss

1. Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief

Author: Martha W. Hickman

Synopsis: This book is described as a classic guide for dealing with grief and loss. It includes daily reflections that will help you find comfort and healing in your own life, and wisdom you can share with others who are grieving.

2. It's OK That You're Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand

Author: Megan Devine

Synopsis: The author offers a new approach to both the experience of grief and how we try to help others who are mourning a loss. The book shares insight about the “unspoken truths of loss, love, and healing.” The author notes that while our culture expects us to just go back to normal, it’s healthier for us to find a “middle path” that invites both grief and joy to live side by side.

3. Bearing the Unbearable: Love, Loss, and the Heartbreaking Path of Grief

Author: Dr. Joanne Cacciatore

Synopsis: “Bearing the Unbearable” is meant to serve as a companion for life’s most difficult times. The author focuses on how grief can actually help us open our hearts to connection, compassion, and to a more pure and loving humanity. She shares stories of her encounters with grief over decades of supporting individuals, families, and communities—as well as her own experience with loss.

Loss of a Child

1. Beyond Tears: Living After Losing a Child

Authors: Carol Barkin, Barbara J. Goldstein,, Pam War, Audrey Cohe, Barbara Eisenberg, Lorenza Colletti

Synopsis: Nine mothers who have all experienced the loss of a child share their own stories of how to survive when it seems impossible. Through their beautiful words, they share with other bereaved parents what to expect in the first year and beyond.

2. A Portrait of Grief: Hope and healing after the loss of a child

Author: Cheryl Christopher

Synopsis: Cheryl Christopher writers about her own experience losing three children. And while she focuses on child loss, the book also proves incredibly helpful for people who have endured losses of any kind. With personal stories, teachings, and music selections, the book can help grieving parents move closer to healing.

3. The Miscarriage Map: What To Expect When You Are No Longer Expecting

Author: Dr. Sunita Osborn

Synopsis: When a woman has a miscarriage, it can feel difficult, and even shameful, to discuss. In her book, Psychologist Dr. Osborn aims to help women by addressing relevant but often unspoken topics following a miscarriage such as the impact of a miscarriage on a relationship, avoiding all things baby- and pregnancy-related, the relationship with your body, and how to move forward.

Grieving Children

1. The Invisible String

Author: Patrice Karst

Synopsis: In this lovely picture book, a mother tells her two children that they're all connected by an invisible string. When they ask, "What kind of string?" The mother shares the truth: “An Invisible String made of love. Even though you can't see it with your eyes, you can feel it deep in your heart, and know that you are always connected to the ones you love.”

2. The Memory Box: A Book About Grief

Author: Joanna Rowland

Synopsis: This easy-to-read book is written from the perspective of a young child, who describes what it feels like to grieve a loved one who has died. The child worries that she will forget the person she lost or if she will ever stop being sad. By creating a memory box, the child is able to cherish special memories forever.

3. A Terrible Thing Happened: A Story for Children Who Have Witnessed Violence or Trauma

Author: Margaret M. Holmes

Synopsis: Through gentle words and tender illustrations, this book provides support for children who have witnessed any kind of violent or traumatic act, such as physical abuse, school or gang violence, accidents, homicide, suicide, and natural disasters.

Grieving a Death by Suicide

1. A Different Kind of Same: A Memoir

Author: Kelley Clink

Synopsis: This book is written by someone who has experienced the suicide of her brother. The author shares her journey through grief, and then her path toward acceptance, forgiveness, resilience, and love.

2. No Time to Say Goodbye: Surviving The Suicide Of A Loved One

Author: Carla Fine

Synopsis: In “No Time to Say Goodbye,” the author discusses the death by suicide of her seemingly happy, successful husband. She shares her overwhelming feelings of confusion, guilt, shame, anger, and loneliness that all survivors of suicide experience. Throughout the book she also has conversations with other survivors, as well as counselors and mental health professionals, and offers guidance to everyone who is left behind by the more than 30,000 people who die by suicide each year.

3. After Suicide Loss: Coping with Your Grief

Authors: Jack Jordan, Ph.D.; Bob Baugher

Synopsis: This book covers different types of suicide loss, including helping children heal. It is described as a a practical guide for coping with suicide, from the first few days through the first year and beyond.

When someone dies, there are a lot of words thrown around to describe common emotions, the details and plans that need to be made, and the more technical aspects of the death. It can often feel overwhelming, especially if you do not know what all the words or phrases mean.

In this article, we have shared a glossary containing definitions of common words and rituals relating to death, loss, and sympathy to serve as a guide during this difficult time.

Anticipatory Grief: Anticipatory grief is the act of experiencing the emotions associated with grief before the death actually occurs. It can be described as grieving the loss of experiences, possibilities, or an imagined future together. Anticipatory grief may be felt after a terminal illness diagnosis, when nearing the end of a long battle with cancer, or when spending the last moments with someone in hospice care.

Bereavement: Although it can be used to cover any aspect of losing something, in this case, it refers to the state of having experienced the loss of a loved one. There is no time limit for bereavement, and this period can last anywhere from a few days to a few months, to several years.

Condolences: It is common to hear “my condolences” after the death of a loved one. These are meant as words of sympathy to express compassion toward someone who has just experienced a loss. While no words can fix a heart that is broken after a death, condolences bring comfort in the acknowledgement that words are not enough.

Coping: Coping is to deal effectively with something difficult, such as the loss of a loved one. When one copes, they are making an effort to handle personal and interpersonal problems that will minimize their stress and conflict levels. The tools that are used to accomplish coping are often called “coping skills” or “coping strategies.”

Cremation: When someone dies, the body is often either buried or cremated. The latter refers to the disposal of a dead person's body by burning it to ashes, typically after a funeral ceremony. The popularity of cremation is rising, with the U.S. cremation rate projected to reach 65% by 2027.

Death Certificate: An official certificate signed by a physician, coroner, or medical examiner, that includes the cause, date, and place of a person's death.

Epitaph: An epitaph is a phrase or a series of words written in memory of a person who has died, most often as an inscription on their tombstone. Epitaphs can range from being serious and straightforward, to clever and funny. Often, they evoke the personality of the deceased.

Eulogy: A eulogy is often referred to as a funeral speech. It is a way for loved ones to pay their respects during the funeral ceremony. Often the person giving the eulogy shares special memories, touts achievements, and pays tribute to their personality.

Grief: Grief is a strong, often overwhelming emotion felt by someone experiencing a huge loss. Grief can be experienced, and expressed, in different ways, from pain and tears, to anger and guilt. Though the terms are often used interchangeably, bereavement is the state of loss, while grief is the response to the loss.

Memorial (event): A memorial service is a ceremony that honors a loved one after their body has been cremated or buried. It usually holds the same meaning as any other type of service held in honor of the deceased, and includes tributes, stories, and other loving memories.

Memorial (object): A memorial can be an object or place meant to commemorate a loved one who has died. Examples of memorials as objects include landmarks, paintings, sculptures, or fountains. Memorials as places include parks, roads, signs, and trees.

Obituary: An obituary is a notice of death most often found in an online or print newspaper or on a funeral home website. An obituary typically includes the date of the death, a brief account of the individual’s life, and a listing of the surviving family members. Oftentimes it will also include details of the funeral service or burial, as well as suggestions for donations in the deceased’s memory.

Preplanning: Also known as “pre-arrangement,” or “pre-arrangement planning,” preplanning refers to discussing and confirming one’s funeral arrangements in advance of their death. This helps take the burden off of their loved ones, as well as ensures that the funeral aligns with the wishes of the deceased.

Vigil: A vigil is the act of staying awake or watching over someone who is close to death or has recently died. Different cultures have varying ways of holding vigil for their loved ones.

Wake: A wake is another type of ceremony associated with the death of an individual. While traditionally a wake takes place at the home of the deceased, it is becoming more common to hold the wake, also known as the visitation, at the funeral home.

After experiencing a loss, or when a loved one has experienced a loss, it can be hard to put into words how you feel or what you want to say. In these situations, it can be healing to turn to quotes from authors, poets, world leaders, public figures, and others, who can oftentimes articulate what we can not find the words to say.

Here are some of those quotes, arranged topically. Categories include:

• Death
• Grief and Mourning
• Inspiration and Strength
• Tribute
• Memories
• Offering Words of Condolence

Death

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time. – Mark Twain

Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more. – Virginia Woolf

It is not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather, our concern must be to live while we're alive – to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with living behind a facade designed to conform to external definitions of who and what we are. – Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it. – Haruki Murakami

The life you have left is a gift. Cherish it. Enjoy it now, to the fullest. Do what matters, now. – Leo Babauta

Grief and Mourning

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning. I keep on swallowing. – C.S. Lewis

Grief is the price we pay for love. – Queen Elizabeth

When someone you love becomes a memory, that memory becomes a treasure. – Anonymous

Grieving doesn’t make you imperfect. It makes you human. – Sarah Dessen

And when great souls die, after a period peace blooms, slowly and always irregularly. Spaces fill with a kind of soothing electric vibration. Our senses, restored, never to be the same, whisper to us. They existed. We can be. Be and be better. For they existed. – Maya Angelou

Inspiration and Strength

Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again. – Nelson Mandela

If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward. – Martin Luther King Jr.

When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure. – Peter Marshall

We are stronger, gentler, more resilient, and more beautiful than any of us imagine. – Mark Nepo

A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles. – Christopher Reeve

Tribute

The best tribute you can make to a loved one is the life you live after the death. – Unknown

In recognizing the humanity of our fellow beings, we pay ourselves the highest tribute. – Thurgood Marshall

There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in my heart. – Gandhi

We are all stories in the end, remembered by the adventures we had, the achievements we made and the people we loved. So make sure your story is a good one. – Nishan Panwar

A life so beautifully lived, a heart so deeply loved. – Unknown

Memories

The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness of it. Memories need to be shared. – Lois Lowry

Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory. – Dr. Seuss

Memory is the diary that we all carry about with us. – Oscar Wilde

The heart that truly loves never forgets. – Proverb

Nothing is ever really lost to us as long as we remember it. – L.M. Montgomery

Offering Words of Condolence

The more sympathy you give, the less you need. – Malcolm Forbes

Death ends a life, not a relationship. All the love you created is still there. All the memories are still there. You live on – in the hearts of everyone you have touched and nurtured while you were here. – Mitch Albom

There are times when there are too few words left to heal us, when what we wish for is to be carried, when all we have left is the hope that tomorrow will be a more gentle place to land than today. – Author Unknown

May you take comfort in knowing there is one more angel above us. – Unknown

Although no words can take away the sorrow that you bare. May it be comforting to you to know that others care. – Unknown

It can be hard to find the right words to express how you feel after a loved one dies, or to express condolences to a friend or family member after they have experienced a loss.

Oftentimes, it can be helpful, and healing, to look to the words of others to guide your thoughts. Below you will find poems about death, grieving, and healing that will help you process your own feelings, comfort others, and begin to heal.

A Song Of Living Poem

By Amelia Josephine Burr

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.

I have sent up my gladness on wings, to be lost in the blue of the sky.

I have run and leaped with the rain, I have taken the wind to my breast.

My cheeks like a drowsy child to the face of the earth I have pressed.

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.

I have kissed young love on the lips, I have heard his song to the end,

I have struck my hand like a seal in the loyal hand of a friend.

I have known the peace of heaven, the comfort of work done well.

I have longed for death in the darkness and risen alive out of hell.

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.

I gave a share of my soul to the world, when and where my course is run.

I know that another shall finish the task I surely must leave undone.

I know that no flower, nor flint was in vain on the path I trod.

As one looks on a face through a window, through life I have looked on God,

Because I have loved life, I shall have no sorrow to die.

Grief Is Like a Parade

By Michele Meleen

Grief is like a parade

whizzing by

in waves of noise.

Some moments I laugh,

in others I cry,

at times I see nothing at all.

I'm waiting for my child to pass

waving from a float up high.

That moment never comes

and the parade end passes by.

I'm left standing alone

not knowing where to go.

Interim

By Clarissa Scott Delany

The night was made for rest and sleep,

For winds that softly sigh;

It was not made for grief and tears;

So then why do I cry?

The wind that blows through leafy trees

Is soft and warm and sweet;

For me the night is a gracious cloak

To hide my soul’s defeat. 

Just one dark hour of shaken depths,

Of bitter black despair—

Another day will find me brave,

And not afraid to dare.

My Constant Companion

By Kelly Roper

Grief is my companion,

It takes me by the hand,

And walks along beside me

in a dark and barren land.

How long will this lonesome journey last,

How much more can my weary heart bear?

Since your death, I've been lost in the fog,

Too burdened with sorrow and care.

People tell me my sadness will fade,

And my tears will reach their end.

Grief and I must complete our journey,

And then maybe I'll find happiness again.

Nothing Gold Can Stay

By Robert Frost

Nature’s first green is gold,

Her hardest hue to hold.

Her early leaf’s a flower;

But only so an hour.

Then leaf subsides to leaf,

So Eden sank to grief,

So dawn goes down to day

Nothing gold can stay.

On the Death of the Beloved

By John O’Donohue

Though we need to weep your loss,

You dwell in that safe place in our hearts,

Where no storm or night or pain can reach you.

Your love was like the dawn

Brightening over our lives

Awakening beneath the dark

A further adventure of colour.

The sound of your voice

Found for us

A new music

That brightened everything.

Whatever you enfolded in your gaze

Quickened in the joy of its being;

You placed smiles like flowers

On the altar of the heart.

Your mind always sparkled

With wonder at things.

Though your days here were brief,

Your spirit was live, awake, complete.

We look towards each other no longer

From the old distance of our names;

Now you dwell inside the rhythm of breath,

As close to us as we are to ourselves.

Though we cannot see you with outward eyes,

We know our soul's gaze is upon your face,

Smiling back at us from within everything

To which we bring our best refinement.

Let us not look for you only in memory,

Where we would grow lonely without you.

You would want us to find you in presence,

Beside us when beauty brightens,

When kindness glows

And music echoes eternal tones.

When orchids brighten the earth,

Darkest winter has turned to spring;

May this dark grief flower with hope

In every heart that loves you.

May you continue to inspire us:

To enter each day with a generous heart.

To serve the call of courage and love

Until we see your beautiful face again

In that land where there is no more separation,

Where all tears will be wiped from our mind,

And where we will never lose you again.

The Sun and Her Flowers

By Rupi Kaur

This is the recipe of life

said my mother

as she held me in her arms as I wept

think of those flowers you plant

in the garden each year

they will teach you

that people too

must wilt

fall

root

rise

in order to bloom.

Sometimes, it is hard to find your own words to express how you feel after a loss. It can be comforting to look to the words of others to help with grief and healing. Here are some biblical proverbs that can be helpful when suffering a loss, or comforting others who are suffering.

In the path of righteousness is life, and in its pathway there is no death.

—Proverbs 12:28

Listen, my son, accept what I say, and the years of your life will be many.

—Proverbs 4:10

Death and life are in the power of the tongue: And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.

—Proverbs 18:21

Treasures gained by wickedness do not profit, but righteousness delivers from death.

—Proverbs 10:2

For through me your days will be many, and years will be added to your life.

—Proverbs 9:11

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

—Proverbs 3:5-6

The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a man from the snares of death. —Proverbs 13:14 Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.

—Proverbs 4:23

A person’s heart plans his way, but the Lord determines his steps. —Proverbs 16:9 Every word of God is pure; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him.

—Proverbs 30:5

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.

—Proverbs 16:3